Red and Blues of the Old Republic
by Ron the True Fan
Summary: After Reconstruction, the EMP sent the RvB crew to the Endar Spire instead of what happened in canon. Now, they've got to save the Republic. If they don't drive Bastila up the wall first! Semi-serious crossover with RvB & KOTOR. Prepare to die laughing!
1. Prologue: Aftermath of Command

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

(AN: This takes place after Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction, chapter 19, but this is AU, where Church is not mind-wiped via the EMP and said electromagnetic pulse sent them to a ship in another time and space...)

Grif did not like this.

Sarge had a M90A pointed at his head. The Red armored captain of their team had his finger on the trigger.

"Grif, you give me three reasons not to kill you."

"Blowing up the ship was not my idea."

Sarge loaded a shell into the shotgun.

"You won't kill me because deep down you really don't want to."

Sarge racked the pump.

"Because those guys behind you want to kill us."

Sarge turned to see a bunch of guys in silver armor pointing guns at them.

"You've lucked out, Grif, because these guys are gonna kill you before I will."

The guys in silver fired, and the Reds did what they always did when facing an enemy with superior numbers.

They ran while cursing and shooting back at the enemy.

"They sure as hell aren't blues!"

"Screw that! Just shoot them!"

"First great idea you've had all day, Grif!"

Sarge wasn't killing too many of them.

"What the hell?"

"Your shotgun's not really good at more then 5 meters, Sarge! Use another gun!"

Sarge switched to his MA5C assault rifle.

The BR55SRs used by Grif and Simmons killed a few of the damn silvers, but Grif noticed something.

His Battle Rifle wasn't getting any lighter.

"Hey, Simmons, check your ammo counter!"

Simmons, after chucking a plasma grenade at the attackers, did just that.

"WHOA! It's infinite!"

"For the Reds, dirtbags!"

Sarge chucked grenade after grenade at them, not noticing he wasn't running out.

Grif pulled out one of his M6D Magnums and pulled up the scope.

The God-pistol killed a few of the silver armored freaks, who acted kind of like those freaky-ass Reds and Blues from a while back.

"Kill them! Kill them! Kill me! Wait, no!"

Sarge's 7.62mm weapon killed the unlucky man, and the rest ran off.

Grif, Sarge, Donut and Simmons looked at one another.

"I have no earthly idea what it is I just saw, or what this place is. And what in the Sam Hell is with our guns?"

"Infinite ammo and grenades. And we've got more then one."

Grif pulled out two M7S CSMGs and a M41 rocket launcher.

Sarge had an AIE-486H Heavy Machine gun and a Galilean Nonlinear Rifle. (Otherwise known as a Spartan Laser)

Simmons got a SRS 99D with Oracle-X scope and a Covenant Carbine.

Donut, well, he got protective stuff: bubble shields, deployable cover, TR/9 AP mines and Forerunner Autocannons.

"Well, to quote my teacher, Avery Junior Johnson, we've become God's own anti-son of a bitch machine!"

"Karma, Sarge. This is probably happening to the blues, too."

"Damn it!" (AN: Yes, I copied this from my first RvB/Star Wars crossover. Same plot, different place)

Somewhere else on the unknown ship...

Private Leonard Church was pissed.

First, he finds out that Sarge actually killed Tex, then that he was an AI, thanks to Freelancer Washington, and now he, Caboose, Tucker for some reason and Doc were on some ship called the _Endar Spire_, and most of them now had more guns.

Doc, on the other hand, had defensive crap that he couldn't get rid of.

And it was coming in handy.

The autoturrets were ripping the silver guys a new one.

Doc cried, but no one cared, his crap was actually saving their asses!

"Why the hell do we have infinite ammo?"

"Who cares, Tucker? We can finally kick ass."

The Blues couldn't argue with that, but more of those silver idiots kept attacking.

"We need to get the hell out of here!"

"Up or down?"

"Up!"

The rest of the autoturrets were destroyed as the blues climbed up the ladder to another level.

"My god, it's like that ship from _Star Trek: First Contact_!"

Church scoffed, but Caboose had a point.

It was a big, round ship or mobile battlestation.

"Shut up Caboose, we're getting out of here."

They got to a ladder leading 5 levels up.

"God fucking damn it. Come on. Hey, Doc, can you deploy any of those gravity lifts?"

Doc activated bubble shields, deployable covers, and a mine or two (all of which killed the enemies below them) until Doc was sent flying up the shaft.

Church sighed.

"Idiot."

Church jumped down and hit the mini-man cannon.

He landed on the ledge near the hatchway.

"Hey, moron."

Church peeled Doc away from the hatch and opened it.

He got out when the other Blues rammed into a wall.

Short, but this _is_ a rewrite, after all.

I reused the original script to save time and frankly, the RvB crew would agree with me.

Now we're in KOTOR, or Knights of the Old Republic, instead of the Original Trilogy, because I want to literally drive Bastila up the wall. I think Carth would agree!

Next Time on Red and Blues of the Old Republic: "We need to get to the surface of Taris, now!" Church looked at the female solider. "No shit, lady!"

Yes, my Revan's a girl. Screw canon: I like the idea of a female badass; like Tex.

Ja Ne!


	2. Chapter 1: Why Are We Here?

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

Chapter 1: "Why Are We Here?"

The Reds entered a hallway on the large ship, evidently called the _Endar Spire_.

"For the Republic!"

And some idiot was shooting at them.

"Hey, dumbass! We're not with the silver idiots, so quit shooting at us!"

The idiot, a guy by the looks of things, looked at them.

"You're not Sith. Who are you?"

"We're the Reds. What the hell's a Sith?"

More silver guys showed up.

"Sith shock troopers!"

"Oh, those are Sith."

Sarge threw a plasma grenade at one, and it stuck to one of the Sith.

"What the shit? Oh, fuck!"

It exploded, killing every one of the Sith shock troopers.

The woman behind the man looked at the Reds.

"You...You're familiar to me. Who are you?"

"People call me Sarge. Who the Sam Hell are you?"

"Athena Grif, a SpecOps officer in the Republic Navy, and this is Trask. We need your help to save the commander of this mission, Bastila Shan."

"Great, we just got ourselves launched into another mission."

Simmons cocked his Battle Rifle.

"At least Sarge is enjoying himself."

The sounds of gunfire were heard from a few meters away.

Source of the gunfire

Church threw a grenade at the silver Sith troopers.

"SON OF A-"

The frag grenade killed the Sith trooper squad.

"Christ, these guys suck. Hell, I'm even hitting them with my gun!"

Then he saw a glint of red.

Red MJOLNIR Mk. VII armor.

Sarge entered Church's line of sight, and that was a bit of a mistake.

"Sarge, if that's you, you're dead."

"Church, we don't have time for this. If you want to kill me, try later. For now, we need to get the fuck out of here!"

The rest of the Reds appeared.

"Sister? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Don't ask me. I just work here!"

Then more Sith appeared.

"Shoot the bastards!"

Meanwhile

"This is Carth Onasi! The Sith have sent boarding parties to the deck you're on!"

The sound of loud bangs was heard over the commlink.

"_No shit, you cockbiting fucktard_!"

Back with the Blood Gulchers

Sarge dumped 7.62mm rounds into the silver plated morons.

Church fired off a full four rounds into them getting four kills.

"Has anyone noticed that I haven't missed yet?"

"Shut up and God won't notice!"

Grif lobbed dozens of grenades, plasma and frag, at the enemy, clearing the path.

"Get to the escape pods! Now!"

Trask was killed by a guy with something like Tucker's Plasma Sword, only it was an actual sword.

"Great, another Red."

Sarge pulled up his M90A. "He's no Red. Even by my standards, he's evil."

He threw the saber at Sarge, who caught the Sith weapon.

"Hey cockbite!"

He looked at Church.

"Sarge?"

"You just got Sarged!"

He blasted the Sith in the face, but the man wasn't dead.

They ran into the escape pod with Carth Onasi.

"Who the-"

"GET IN!"

Darth Malak's Flagship

"10 idiots wearing Red and Blue armor?"

"Yes, Master, but one was called 'Sarge' and another called 'Church'. Perhaps they are the ones."

"The BLOOD GULCHERS? What would make you think that?"

"Sarge caught my lightsaber."

Malak was speechless.

Only Jedi could do that!

And the Blood Gulchers were the ancestors of both the Jedi and the Sith, being Force sensitive and very hard to kill, as it took every Freelancer, Elite and even the _Meta_ to kill them!

And apparently _that_ wasn't enough.

"Find them. Turn them if you can."

"My Lord-to quote the Reds and Blues-that simply isn't possible! Tex, the Freelancer, could not be turned even through love of Church! And the Freelancers are long dead; the Elites refuse to fight because they finally met their match in the Blood Gulchers and the Meta-"

"Don't start on the status of the Meta. People fear the Gulchers. Kill them if you can't turn them."

"I think you should look for my replacement, Master."

Surface of Taris

The Blood Gulchers took off their armor (Sans Church) and put on their UNSC-standard clothing. (AN: The Master Chief is mentioned several times, i.e. the 'Why Are We Here?' the first episode, so I'm of the mind that RvB is in the Halo universe, hence the crossover setting)

Carth looked at the Blood Gulchers, noticing that all had 20000 year old clothing on, from before the time of lost history. (AN: The Infinite Empire of the Ratakans)

"Who are you guys?"

"We're the Reds. Sarge-"

The gruff Sergeant who was cleaning his M90A Custom raised his hand in response.

"Simmons-"

The ass-kissing Private waved.

"The freaky-ass Donut-"

The effeminate solider waved and said hi.

"And I'm Staff Sergeant Grif."

"You got demoted, Grif."

"Washington's not a Red and I still got the order from command, Sarge."

Carth looked at them. "THE Reds? The Blood Gulchers?"

"Yeah, we're from Blood Gulch Outpost Number 1. The others are Church, or the Alpha, whatever he is-"

The armored man simply said nothing.

"Tucker-"

The African-American man activated his Plasma Sword to test if it still worked. (AN: Yes, and I am sorry if I offend the African-American peoples of Canada, the United States and other countries who watch Red vs. Blue, but Tucker is black. I'm not racist, just trying to stay in RvB and Star Wars Canon)

"The retarded Caboose-"

Said Blue looked around the room that Carth 'procured' for them, not noticing Grif's insult.

"And my pretty, if kind of stupid, sister, Kaikaina."

His sister waved at the Republic officer.

"Well, this could help the Republic! Heroes of legend have come back!"

"Heroes?"

"You don't know? You're the forerunners of the Jedi, the Blood Gulchers! You took down the UNSC's ONI, who stuck you in Blood gulch, striking down the Freelancers, the Elite Sangheili and even the Meta!"

Church punched a wall.

"_NEVER_ mention the Meta around me."

"Sorry."

"Wait, the Office of Naval Intelligence? _That_ ONI? The morons who created the SPARTAN-II program?"

Carth nodded.

"What happened after the incident at Command?"

"Well, you got reassigned to Valhalla, found another Freelancer, and found Tex again. You fought the Freelancer Washington soon enough and survived to eventually fight the Me-er, Maine, the enemy Freelancers and the Elites, dying in the end."

"Not a good tale if you ask me, soldier."

"Everyone thought you died, but the Jedi believe that you'd return to save the galaxy from destruction."

Grif sighed.

"So, what the hell happened while we were gone, Mister?"

"Carth Onasi, Captain with the Republic Grand Army."

"Great."

Malak's Flagship

The Blood Gulchers, so-called because of where they were posted, were warriors of legend, ancestors of the Jedi and the Sith in turn and greater in power then even Revan.

Malak, a man with knowledge of the Dark Side of the Force, Bogan, knew little of their Force powers.

They could do things not even Jedi could do: return from the dead, even heal in ways no one could even understand and transform their world, as shown during their Final Battle.

The enemy reported so many things wrong with their ground troops, everything went to hell.

The Blood Gulchers disappeared from history, but now, it seems, the warriors of history wanted revenge against the Sith.

He would fight the Blood Gulchers in time, but now the legends were loose on Taris...likely driving everyone crazy.

I made the RvB crew the grandparents of the Jedi and the Sith. The stuff they do is impossible to anyone, so I explain it away with the power to use the Force.

And they're more powerful then Revan in the ways of the Force and they don't even know it.

Tucker: "Sweet! I'm a Jedi!" Church: "Don't let it go to your head, Tucker."

Next Time: "So, what's a rakghoul?" A number of screams were heard. "Stupid question!"

Ja Ne!


	3. Chapter 2: Sith Gets a Delivery of Pain

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

Chapter 2: "Sith Gets a Delivery...of Pain"

After dealing with the Sith and helping a few aliens, the Reds and Blues, now wearing their armor, were wandering through the undercity of Taris.

"Ok, what are we doing down here?"

"Kill a Sith squad and steal their rakghoul serum."

"What the hell's a rakghoul?"

Then a number of crazed, demented furless monkeys attacked. (AN: You're all thinking it, I'm just saying it)

"Stupid question. KILL THEM!"

Assault and Battle Rifle fire from every Red and Blue took out the rakghouls.

"Ok, this is weird. None of our bullets missed."

Sarge nodded.

"Maybe being Jedi or something makes us deadlier!"

"You're not Jedi; you're the ancestors of the Jedi."

"Same damn thing in my book."

Sith base

Bandon sighed.

Finding the Blood Gulchers was easy.

Catching up to them, on the other hand, was a pain in the ass.

They caused so much chaos, they created a second path that distracted him from following the damn bastards.

But he won't rest until the Blood Gulchers were dead or turned to the Dark Side.

Or until he was dead.

That was more likely then turning the Blood Gulchers or killing them.

This was a massive headache.

The undercity

"You've got to help!"

Athena looked at the young Twi'lek.

"Whoa, whoa, calm down! What happened?"

"They took Zaalbar! You've got to help!"

"Relax, kid. We'll help you."

Sarge looked at Church.

"What the hell are you thinking, Church?"

"Look, we know nothing about this galaxy: we've been gone for, what, 20000 years? We need Intel."

"And an overgrown bear of death can give us that?"

"No, the kid can, and we need to save the bear to get the kid's Intel."

"As long as we get to kill things."

"Oh, we will."

Meanwhile...

"By the Force!"

The Sith Lord saw the chaos that the Blood Gulchers caused.

It seemed the Force wanted to destroy the galaxy and everything in it!

But the bodies had their skulls ripped out and their spines were used to choke them.

Impossible by normal standards, but the Blood Gulchers were known for one thing: doing the impossible.

Then he felt a tap on his shoulder.

A black suit of death hung over him.

"Via con dios, cockbite."

This was the missing Blood Gulcher: Freelancer Allison 'Tex' Church.

Down below...

The screams of a man were heard from 500 stories below Taris' surface.

"THAT didn't sound too good."

"That was that Sith cockbite who nearly killed Sarge!"

"Only one person could do that."

"TEX! SHE'S ALIVE!"

Church turned around, but Grif stopped her.

"If she can kick that Sith's ass, she can find us. And I just realized that's a bad thing. She hates us."

"She was hired to kill you, Simmons; she doesn't hate you, or any of us for that matter. Now, let's find this Zaalbar guy."

Mission nodded and opened one of the doors.

Malak's Flagship

"Bandon, you'd better not be reporting that you haven't found Bastila or the blood Gulchers."

Bandon looked like he had the shit kicked out of him.

"_Oh, no, My Lord. I found one: Allison Church, otherwise known as Tex_."

If Malak still had a jaw, it'd be on the ground.

"The deadliest Gulcher...you're lucky to have survived."

"_My Lord, luck had nothing to do with it. She beat the crap out of me to get information on the Blood Gulchers_."

"Please tell me you didn't."

Bandon nodded.

"_She is far more powerful then I, My Lord_."

"But her Force powers are nothing to the others!"

"_My Lord, _brute force."

"Oh, for the love of-Bandon, if you don't find them-"

"_I _will_, My Lord_."

Back with Tex

"Ok, now, where's Church?"

Tex had destroyed an air duct to get to the lower city levels.

While she didn't show it, she still loved Church, and even took his surname. (she just didn't tell him)

Now she had to find him and the other idiots from Blood Gulch.

Sith, aliens, and even robots wouldn't stop the pissed off Freelancer from getting to Church.

Back with the Blood Gulchers

"Holy shit, how big is this place?"

"How big's the planet, Grif?"

"Son of a bitch!"

Sarge blasted a Gamorrean with his shotgun.

"Who said pigs could turn into pig-men?"

"Maybe they were told to."

Church meleed Caboose with his SRS99.

"Don't be stupid!"

Then they heard huge amounts of screams coming from the nearby tunnel.

"Get ready. They can't kill all of us!"

"Says who?"

Sarge reloaded his M90A Custom and aimed it at the door.

A black fist tore the metal and Sarge jumped back.

"Holy shit! That's-"

"TEX!"

Athena shot the hand, and Tex broke the door down.

"Whoever just shot me is the biggest idiot outside Blood Gulch."

"Whoa, Tex, you scared the shit out of all of us! Don't blame her!"

The Freelancer then saw a Sith with a vibroblade show up.

"You beat the shit out of Darth Bandon, and I will kill you!"

The Blood Gulchers took aim at the idiot.

"One of these days-"

A mass amount of gunfire ripped the Sith's body apart.

Sith Base

"My Lord, the Blood Gulchers are causing far too much trouble. We should just destroy the planet."

The hologram of Malak nodded.

"_Find Bastila and try to kill those damned Spartans. Set your weapons to kill! Admiral Karath, ready the fleet_!"

"_Yes...My Lord_."

After Zaalbar's rescue

"Ok, we still need to rescue Bastila from the Black Vulkars' base."

"The easy way's the best: attack the base and rescue her ass."

"That'll be hard to do."

"We've got armor that's shielded and we've got guns! Just tell us where it is and we'll get her out!"

"It's on the other side of the lower city!"

Then they heard a Latino tune that the Reds all knew and hated.

"What the hell's that music?"

Grif smirked under his helmet.

"For once, none of us are wondering."

Then the Red's signature vehicle appeared: the M12LRV Warthog.

Then they heard a voice speak in a language they now barely understood.

"_Oh, God, not you idiots again_."

"Lopez? When'd you get here?"

"_6 hours ago. I do not understand why I am here_."

"The Force doesn't seem to like you, Senor Lopez."

"_What is the Force? I am confused_."

Athena looked at the Red Sergeant.

"I can repair him so he can speak Basic, as well as Spanish."

"You must be a good mechanic, lady."

"_At least now the idiots can understand me_."

Sarge pointed at the robot.

"Obey my orders, Lopez, and we can get you and your lady Sheila back together."

What Sarge didn't know was that he just used a Jedi Mind Trick, and Lopez was vulnerable to it, robot or not.

"_Si. By your command, Sarge_."

Carth looked at the Red.

"Did you just mind trick him?"

"Maybe."

Black Vulkar base

"Do have a clue why we're still here?" "No, I don't-Wait a second. What the hell is that music?" Then the huge M831 Troop Transport Warthog Custom ran over the pair guarding the base. Why was it Custom? Three turrets: one M41 Vulcan.50 caliber chaingun, mounted near the driver's seat, one M68 Gauss Cannon mounted beside the chaingun and one 102mm SC-HE Rocket Turret mounted in the back, making the M831 Troop Transport Warthog Custom the deadliest Warthog ever built. "Simmons, Grif, Tucker, open fire!" Bullets, rockets and Gauss rounds ripped into the Black Vulkar's base.

Lopez and the Warthog are back, deadlier then ever!

The M831 Troop Transport Warthog Custom is a modified TT 'Hog, longer so it could carry 10 Spartans or Elites, along with three gun turrets with the chaingun, Gauss gun and the three-round rocket launcher from _Halo PC_ mounted behind the driver and passenger for the chaingun and Gauss gun and the last one mounted behind the passenger compartment, giving all three gunners a 120 degree range of fire. And Lopez?

He finally speaks English soon enough. I'm not leaving the Hog behind, so the RvB crew will steal a Sith Battleship, using Church's...unique abilities.

Next Time: "Church!" "What, Caboose?" "What if...we steal one of the silver guys' ships? We can leave with the Red's Jeep." "Caboose, that's the best idea I've ever heard from you."

Ja Ne!


	4. Chapter 3: The Idiot Rookies of the Old

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

Chapter 3: "The Idiot Rookies of the Old Republic"

Bastila woke up in a room with four people: a solider, Revan if her senses in the Force weren't wrong, a Twi'lek and a Wookie.

"Bout time you woke up, Bastila."

"Where am I?"

"You're in the Taris slums, safe from the Sith for now."

Bastila got up and looked at the ex-Sith Lord.

"You rescued me? I didn't need saving."

"There was a neural inhibitor on your neck. You would've broken free, but we couldn't wait. And we didn't save you. They did."

"They?" Then they heard a tune enter hearing range. (AN: Polkas y Huapangos by Jame y Los Chamacos; AKA: the Warthog music of RvB. Download it and play it in your car with the windows down so people go 'What the hell is that music?')

"What is that music?"

Then the Warthog rammed through the door, bashing Bastila into the back wall.

"Yee-haw! Now that's what I call riding shotgun! BLAMO!"

"Will you turn that damned radio off?"

"Fine."

Sarge shut the radio off as Bastila Force Pushed the door off her.

"Ow. Who did that?"

Then she spotted the Blood Gulchers.

"What the?"

"Our damsel in distress isn't very smart. She got knocked out, got a neural inhibitor slapped onto her and we had to rescue her!"

"I did not need rescuing, you morons!"

"Lady, we're not wasting time on this planet. I hacked the computers in the Black Vulkar's base and I've found out that the Sith are going to bomb the planet in a few days. Faster is better, like it or not."

Bastila was starting to get angry, but she calmed herself.

"Now, we need a plan and a ship."

"A Mandalorian named Canderous Ordo told us about a ship named the _Ebon Hawk_. If we can get the launch codes, we can steal it and get off the planet."

Then Caboose spoke up.

"Church!"

"What, Caboose?"

"What if...we steal one of the silver guys' ships? We can leave with the Red's Jeep."

"Caboose, that's the best idea I've ever heard from you."

"You? Steal a Sith ship? There is no way you can steal a Sith vessel."

Church would've smirked, but he hopped out of his body and took control of Bastila.

"Heauegerkergerk! Well, that was easy."

Carth's eyes widened to the point of popping out of his head.

Jedi were supposed to resist this kind of thing, yet Church, a Force Sprit/AI, took control of her! (AN: He was in an organic body once, making him both)

"That doesn't seem physically possible!"

"Carth, Church is a fuckin' ghost..."

"Sarge turned me into a cyborg..."

"I got Simmons's organs when Sarge operated on me using a _cow's_ internal organ chart..."

"I survived a Pelican landing on me..."

"O'Malley made Caboose stupider..."

"I got a sword only I can use and got _pregnant_ for it..."

"_**And you think this isn't physically possible**_?"

Carth wisely shut up while Church got out of Bastila's body.

"Don't worry about her; Basty heard everything."

Church's nickname for Bastila was unheard by the Jedi as she remembered how it felt when the Blue leader took control of her.

"You're the Blood Gulchers? I wondered how you got me out, Masters."

"_Masters_? We're not Jedi!"

"After the final battle, all of you founded the Jedi Order."

"Wait a minute, the history I was taught says that they died!"

"The Blood Gulchers disappeared using the Force. No one knew who they looked like outside the armor, and hiding from survivors from ONI using the Force was easy. But not all of you remained in the Order."

"We created the Sith?"

"No, but Sarge, Church and Caboose chose exile on dead worlds after teaching as many as they could. They were too old to teach anymore students, Sarge foremost. Church followed him to Sidewinder and you both were buried by your students, the Grifs."

"I taught Grif?"

"His children, Master Sarge: William and Samantha."

"Who'd I get together with?"

"No history says who you married, but you did have children. In fact, this woman is your direct descendent, if the name goes by anything. What's your plan?"

"Hey, Caboose just told us. But we should increase our chances: you guys steal the whatever you called it while we steal one of the Sith ships."

"There's only one Sith ship on the ground: the _Chaos_, an _Interdictor_-Class warship, and it's getting maintenance, so you'll need to move quickly. That beast of a vehicle won't get within 200 meters."

Church left his body and ran through the wall, then returned.

"How's that?"

"If you can take care of the Sith that are on board, then we'll be fine."

"I took control of _you_ easily."

Church disappeared and soon they were alone.

_Interdictor_-Class Sith Warship _Chaos_

Everything was going smoothly, and then _it_ happened.

Every single person started going crazy.

The Captain was shooting everyone off the ship, killing everyone in his path until a Sith killed him, then the Sith dove off the deep end.

There wasn't a living thing on the ship.

Then...

"Perfect."

Church got into one of the barely living soldiers and limped her ass over to the communications console.

"This is Private Church to Red Base. Come in, Red Base."

"This is Taris Slums Outpost Number 1. Sounding a little girly, aren't we, Church?"

"Sarge, I'm in a girl's half-dead body; don't start and get your asses over here."

Outside the _Chaos_

"That's had to be Church, the ghost Blood Gulcher! If he's here-Wait, what the hell's that music?"

The Warthog (AN: Ain't it obvious?) started running over and blasting Sith left, right and center, with Sarge at the wheel.

Grif and Simmons were blasting the Sith with .50 caliber fire and Gauss rounds, while Tucker fired rockets at the retreating enemy.

The boarding ramp was closing and they barely got on the Chaos before it closed. Sarge drove the Warthog to the bridge, and Church took control of his body.

"We take this ship in the name of the Red-er, Red vs. Blue Army!"

"Red vs. Blue?"

"We used to fight each other, so why not?"

"Because it's Blue vs. Red! It...sounds weird said backwards."

"Caboose, even I call it the Red vs. Blue War."

"Sorry, Church."

"Lopez! Activate the shields and engines in no particular order!"

"_Si. I want to get off this damned planet, too_."

The Chaos took off, and the new RvB Squad was formed to kill the Sith.

Davik Kang's complex

Canderous Ordo's repeating blaster killed another war droid as they got to the _Ebon Hawk. _Kang and Calo Nord were likely dead as the light transport got off the surface.

Then blaster fire hit the city-planet, and the _Ebon Hawk_ entered orbit with the Chaos along side.

"Oh, crap!"

"_Hey, idiots and Grif's grand-daughter! This is Captain Sarge_!"

Malak's Flagship

"What is the _Chaos_ doing?"

Then a Latino tune was heard over the radio.

"What in the 9 Sith Hells is that music?"

Then the bridge was hit, taking out weapons, sensors, communications and other C&C functions.

The nearby vessels were also disabled in a similar manner.

Malak more pissed then normal, (that's saying something) got up.

"I. Will. Kill. You. Damned BLOOD GULCHERS!"

He killed a lieutenant in his rage.

Saul Karath stood up after Malak killed the XO.

"My Lord, you seem to need therapy."

_Ebon Hawk_

"Can you hold off those fighters?"

"_Onasi, this ship's blown up one of the enemy ships! They need to regroup_!"

"He's got a point! The Flagship's damaged, one's been destroyed thanks to a hit to the engines and three others are crippled thanks to Sarge's surprise attack."

Bastila noticed the Sith fighters dart away to regroup with the survivors of the attack. "Wonton destruction-wasteful."

"At least we're safe, Bastila. You seem to have a hard time expressing gratitude."

The _Ebon Hawk_ entered hyperspace, escaping Taris.

They got a ship, the _Chaos_. Seems to fit what they bring, doesn't it?

And next stop, Dantooine! And my OC returns, this time as a Jedi from a Sith world: Korriban. He's called the 'Light Lord of the Sith', because he's got Dark and Light powers and he's from a Sith world: Korriban.

Seriously, _Korriban_! If you were born there, the Dark Side would call to you a lot.

Next Time: "We created _this_?" "No, Master Grif; you created the art of Battle Mediation, although Masters Sarge and Simmons said it was due to your laziness." "At least it's useful."

Ja Ne!


	5. Chapter 4: The Force is in the Open

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

Chapter 4: "The Force is in the Open"

Jedi Knight Ronald Pinkerton watched the sky instead of training.

"Knight Pinkerton, what are you doing?"

"Something's coming. I can feel it."

Then a huge _Interdictor_-Class warship entered the atmosphere.

"Oh, shit."

"Knight Pinkerton-Whoa! Oh, shit is right!"

Then they heard a tune from above.

"We'd better-Wait a second. What the hell's that music?"

Then a huge, 3.5 ton vehicle landed on the Jedi berating him a second ago, and it drove off.

"You ok?"

"I just got ran over by a giant vehicle, you-"

"If you can talk, you can walk. I'll catch up to that thing. It looked like a Warthog!"

Ron jumped onto a swoop bike he 'commandeered' from a criminal.

The Knight caught up to the Warthog.

"What the hell?"

In the Warthog were 10 armored men and women, all wearing Red and Blue.

"The Blood Gulchers? How the hell?"

Then Bastila Shan, his least favorite Padawan, stood up and looked at him.

"Master Pinkerton?"

"YOU!"

Ron was a Revanchist, one of the few Jedi who supported her when the Knight went to war.

In fact, when Revan attacked the Republic, Ron went into the chambers of the Jedi Council and said 'WE TOLD YOU SO! If you said 'go ahead, help the Republic', this wouldn't've happened! But no, you warned caution and inaction!'

The Council on Coruscant knew they screwed up, and tried to mount a defense against the enemy.

"Well, if it isn't 'I obey the Council without question'! Come back because you screwed up again?"

Her annoyance with Revan, whose connection to the Force was back, the Blood Gulchers, who were idiots at times and with one of the only Revanchists still with the Order were at their boiling point.

"Master, why do you enjoy taunting me?"

"Because we were right and you were wrong; easy. Now, when did you find these guys?"

"On Taris."

"Did you have to save her?"

The Blood Gulchers said it at the same time:

"Yes."

They arrived at the Enclave and the Gulchers got out.

Two Jedi walked toward them.

"Padawan Bastila, when did you return?"

"Just now, and I brought guests."

Then they saw the Blood Gulchers.

Two hours later

A number of Jedi were training in many things, and Grif was curious.

"We created _this_?"

"No, Master Grif; you created the art of Battle Mediation, although Masters Sarge and Simmons said it was due to your laziness."

"At least it's useful."

"As many have said, I have mastered the use of it."

"So, who created what?" "Master Sarge, you created the basic uses of the Force: Pull, Push and Telekinesis. Master Simmons created the holocrons, which are sources of great knowledge. Master Grif created Battle Mediation, as I said, and created the first form of lightsaber combat: Form I, Shii-Cho. Masters Tex and Kaikaina created the other seven: II Makashi, III Soresu, IV Ataru, V Shien / Djem So, VI Niman, and finally VII Juyo. Master Tucker created the proto lightsaber, which the Sith advanced on. Master Doc-"

"Why does everyone call me Doc?"

"Created the basic healing techniques for all the healers. Master Church created the powerful Force based attack known as Force Lightning, but the light-sided version is lost to history; only the dark side uses it now. But with his return, there is a chance he can learn it and teach to someone."

"That's not likely."

"Caboose created some of the basic and advanced mind tricks. Likely because of O'Malley. Every Blood Gulcher did something for the Order in a way. But, as always, time is not on our side. It is time to speak with the Council."

During the meeting

Sarge sat out of the meeting and was working on some of Blue Team's MJOLNIR VII armor.

They had earned his respect, and this war was going to be their greatest challenge.

Them being on different sides no longer mattered to the former Red Sergeant.

Now it was a matter of getting fully involved and kicking some serious ass!

Malak was going down!

After the meeting

Simmons had created a primitive holocron, and Bastila was slightly impressed.

"A holocron on your first try? It's primitive."

"Hey, I haven't looked at the newer ones yet!" "Still, that means you can create them. Go into the Archives and look at your legacy."

Bastila was amazed by the Blood Gulchers' abilities to use the Force powers they created...or their ability to really piss her off.

Sarge was working on the MJOLNIR VII armor that belonged to Grif.

While he hated Grif, the lazy man had some good ideas and his Battle Mediation was very useful.

Grif was mastering Battle Mediation faster then Bastila ever could.

'Perhaps being in the presence of so many Jedi has awakened the Force within them?'

Bastila was worried. Revan's old personality would come back at this rate if Caboose or Church went into her mind.

And that wasn't something she would let happen.

Several weeks later

"Now we see why you became the First Masters of the Jedi Order! Your speed of mastery of your Force powers is amazing!"

"Maybe we always had it, and it took us being here to awaken our powers.

At least we know some of the stuff from the Reds." "You Blues helped us, so why not?

And Sarge has been spending a lot of time on the Chaos with Lopez, so why don't we go see what those two are up to?"

The Council had given them the rank of Master when they met, and now it was time to see what the Red leader was up to.

The former Sith warship was in orbit, and the shuttle was outside, waiting for them.

RVBS _Chaos_

Sarge was on the bridge when Simmons walked in. He was working on one of the consoles.

"Sarge?"

"Simmons! It's about time! Lopez and I have been modifying the shields and weapons for over a week!"

"Have you been using your Force powers, Sarge?"

"That's how I've been modifying the shields! Lopez is better with the weapons, but I'm good with the shields."

Then Grif entered the bridge.

"Hey, Sarge? We've got a problem."

"And what would that be, Grif?"

"When did you make all those robots?" "I didn't, and Lopez has been working on the weapons."

"Sarge, the Sith made them. They're called war droids. If we can reprogram them-"

"Then we can use them to kick some Sith ass! The shields can absorb ion cannon blasts now, so Malak ain't getting this ship back!"

Sarge left and Grif looked at Simmons.

"We're idiots, yet he can work with machines and make sure they work."

"Maybe the Force likes us."

"Bullshit. It hates us."

Sith battlecruiser _Leviathan_

Malak was going to pull a Hulk Homer if this kept up.

"I want the heads of the Blood Gulchers on the walls of my quarters! Calo, if you fail-"

"Then I'm dead. I know how you Sith operate."

Calo Nord left to find and kill the Blood Gulchers.

"I need to find better help."

"Then perhaps I can help you."

Malak turned to see a man in white armor.

MJOLNIR VII armor.

"Who are you?"

Malak activated his lightsaber.

"Come now, good chap. You hate those idiots from Blood Gulch as much as I do."

"Who are you?"

"My name? Well I've actually forgotten my real name, but I normally go by...Wyoming."

Oh, Shit. He ain't Wash, but Wyoming's just as bad.

And the RvB crew won't be expecting him. I mean, Episode 100: Helmet. Off.

Next Time: "A DRAGON? A real live dragon?" "A _Krayt_ Dragon." "I've read about them, Simmons. They can't fly." "Damn it!"

Screw side quests: I'm going full bore on pissing Bastila off.

And notice how the names of the chapters are modified versions of RvB episode titles.

Ja Ne!


	6. Chapter 5: 121 KraytWhats?

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

Chapter 5: 1.21 Krayt-Whats?

After Sarge Sarged the Czerka landing officer and after meeting Bastila's mother, Church found a robot that was rust red.

Deciding to be a prick, he possessed the droid.

"Heauegerkergerk! Statement: Ok, that wasn't good."

He walked out of the shop, and met up with the other Blood Gulchers.

"What in Sam Hell?"

Church got out of the droid.

"What's up?"

"Church? What the hell? You stole a robot?"

"Statement: I am HK-47, an assassination droid."

When the Republic officers, Jedi and other members of the Ebon Hawk's crew saw Church's new 'toy'.

He looked at Athena.

"Query: Are you the one who brought me?"

Sarge answered, hoping that a new robot would help them against Washington.

"Yes."

"Statement: Thank you, Master."

"Ok, so how do we get to the Star Map?"

"What's sensitive to the Dark side of the Force?"

Bastila looked thoughtful.

"Well, on Tatooine, there's the Krayt Dragon."

"A DRAGON? A real live dragon?"

"A _Krayt_ Dragon."

"I've read about them, Simmons. They can't fly."

"Damn it!"

Sarge got on the radio.

"Lopez and Jedi!"

"_Si_."

"_Yo! What's up, Master Sarge_?"

"Get the Warthog down here, pronto! We're going dragon hunting!"

Bastila sighed.

"You'd need a lightsaber to kill a Krayt Dragon."

Sarge activated the blade he took from Bandon.

Then a shuttle landed and dropped off a M808B Scorpion MBT along with the Warthog.

The Scorpion had a Spartan Laser mounted beside the machine gun, and a huge 190mm energy cannon instead of the 90mm railgun.

The Jedi Knight, Ronald Pinkerton, popped out wearing MJOLNAR VII armor.

His color was like Wash's, black instead of gray and red instead of yellow and white. "So, we're going dragon hunting?"

Ron got on the tank's tread guard.

"Hop on! It's time to kill some dragons!"

Bastila got on the tread and sat there.

The others, and HK-47, did so as well. Caboose was in the machine gunner's pit, and he looked at HK-47.

"Hi! I'm Caboose." "

Statement: Shut up, meatbag."

"Ok."

Krayt Dragon's den

The Krayt Dragon was gigantic.

Sarge took aim at the head.

"Hey, lizard boy!"

The dragon looked at Sarge.

"You just got Sarged, bitch!"

He fired the main cannon, killing the damn thing.

After dragging it out with the tank, they found the Star Map.

"Hey, Simmons, can you find out where the Star Forge thingy is now?"

"Sarge, I need all 4 maps, plus a computer to find out where it is!"

Caboose saw something no one wanted to see: Calo Nord.

"No one escapes from me that easily."

Then Sarge fired his Spartan Laser at Calo, killing him, blowing up his speeder and killing the mercs he hired in the process.

"Damn! Two Sarging sessions in one day!"

Bastila's eye twitched.

'These morons are driving me insane!'

They hopped back in the tank and returned to Anchorhead, but not before they ran into Tuskin Raiders.

Once again, they died.

Ebon Hawk

"So, what planet now?"

"How about that water planet?"

"You mean Manaan. But where is the map?"

Sarge was silent.

That normally meant something bad was going to happen.

"I've got an idea."

Bastila left.

"I could modify the tank to drive underwater!"

Canderous looked at the Red.

"You can't do that!"

Sarge took off his helmet and gave a knowing smirk.

"Never say that to me, Mandy boy! I built Lopez!"

"You gave him a challenge."

Three day later: _Chaos_ hanger deck

Along with a Pelican, Sarge modified the tank into a sub.

Canderous looked at the two vehicles.

"You are evil."

Sarge, in the MJOLNAR VII armor he wore, laughed.

"Never say I can't make badass vehicles! The tank was the easy part! The Pelican took 2 days to make!"

The Mandalorian walked onto the Pelican.

The Reds and Blues were in some of the seats, along with the other members of the _Ebon Hawk's_ crew.

Bastila sat in the co-pilot's seat.

"What the hell are you doing there?"

"This isn't going to work, so I may as well be the first person to die."

Sarge hopped into the pilot's seat.

"Next stop: bottom of the ocean!"

The Pelican dove into the atmosphere, and hit the water.

The Pelican was intact and they got to the bottom of the ocean.

Bastila sighed.

"Again, the Force seems to like you morons."

Then they found a huge extraction machine.

"That's in the way of us getting the Star Map!"

"Church, take control of the tank!"

"Lasers don't work underwater!"

"It fires missiles, too!"

Church got into the second war droid in the tank and took control of it.

Two missiles hit the extractor, destroying it.

Church returned to his body, and they landed just past the wreckage.

"There's Star Map number two."

"Three."

"We found this one and the one before that! The Dantooine one doesn't count!"

"Well, now we've got to find the one on Kashyyyk, and then there's Korriban, the Sith homeworld."

"We'll handle Korriban. The Sith don't stand a chance against us!"

Bastila chuckled.

'You'll drive them insane and they'll kill themselves to escape your craziness.'

Malak's Flagship

"What will it take to kill them?"

Saul backed away.

When Malak got pissed, he got _pissed_.

"You know, mate, I could take them out."

"While your offer is _tempting_, Wyoming, you are blind to the Force, and I know of the day when even _you_ were conquered by the Blood Gulchers. My Shadow Hand, Darth Bandon, will destroy them."

The Sith Apprentice bowed to his Master.

"By your command, my lord, they will die."

Back with the Blood Gulchers

Sarge modified his shotgun to the older standards of the original one: 12 8-gauge shells.

"We won't reach Korriban for another 3 days, Sarge. What's the plan?"

"The bastards'll be running in fear of us! We'll just drive them insane!"

Church chuckled.

"I'll just take control of a few people and the madness shall begin."

The Blood Gulchers would going to drive the Sith crazy.

After all, that's what they did best!

"Time to get started, men!"

Coruscant Jedi Temple

They ruined his life.

They ruined his plans.

They were total idiots.

And now they were his last hope in this galaxy.

His MJOLNAR VII armor was damaged, and the Jedi in the Temple needed him to find the Blood Gulchers.

Gray, yellow and white armor, cracked and weak, groaned from the damaged he'd taken from his escape from Command.

"Recovering one, are you ready to leave?"

"It's not recovering one. It's Recovery One."

Wash is back! And I made him one of the good guys, because, hey, it's irony.

He hates them, yet he needs their help!

And I hate side missions in games, so screw 'em. That and I want the Blood Gulchers into the year of _KOTOR 2: the Sith Lords_.

And the story's on hold for now, because I need to work on some of my other projects. That and I've got writer's block when it comes to this. I need the help of the readers on this: I've got too many ideas swimming about in my head. Here are the three ones taking up most of my thought power: an actual _Resident Evil/Inuyasha_ crossover, the AU version of _To Hell and Back_, where Ron took the kids back to the Colonies, and a _Star Wars/Inuyasha_ crossover, where Vader finds a way to go back in time in another universe. PM me on the ones you think I should take up. I'll do the AU _THAB_ story in time, though.

Next Time: "Look, either you tell me what you people know, or I'll torture you." Bastila chuckled. "Being around the Blood Gulchers is torture. You can't make anything worse then that!"

Ja Ne!


	7. Chapter 6: Sons of Death

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

Chapter 6: Sons of Death

Korriban was an ancient Sith border world, and the graveyard for the great Sith Lords.

Now, however..."Grif! Where's that Aloe Vera jel?"

It was an insane asylum.

The students in the Academy were either going insane or dying from lack of sense.

"Why the hell did we defect from the Republic? Screw this!"

Most Dark Jedi had returned to the light in seconds, and ran from the place.

Defecting Republic officers ran to the ships that the Sith built and turned them toward Republic territory.

Others just shot themselves in the head or grabbed a lightsaber and impaled themselves.

They found the Star Map in some Sith tomb.

"Can we just drag it out?"

"Grif, that's the least lazy thing I've ever heard from you."

"Using the Warthog."

"Fine, Grif, but The second we get out..."

"_Hey, morons, you there_?"

"Finally, the other guys. What's up?"

"_Couldn't get the map on Kashyyyk, but we do have another Jedi on board_."

"We got the Star Map."

"_Well, you've driven all the Sith on the planet back to the Republic, screaming their asses off_."

Church chuckled.

"All in a day's work. We're getting back to the _Chaos_."

They tried to drag the Star Map out, but Simmons settled for copying the images.

"Now that that's done, let's get the hell out of here."

They got back to the Pelican and went back to the Chaos. But that brought another problem.

The _Leviathan_ entered orbit.

The modifications weren't even done yet, so the _Chaos'_ shields and other systems weren't online.

They couldn't fight the Republic built warship.

"_RUN_!"

"_HOLY CRAP_!"

"_I DON'T WANT TO DIE_!"

Five hours later

Saul was trying to interrogate the members of the _Ebon Hawk_ that he had.

"Look, either you tell me what you people know, or I'll torture you."

Bastila chuckled.

"Being around the Blood Gulchers is torture. You can't make anything worse then that!"

Saul had to think about that.

"Admiral, you're needed on the bridge."

"Excuse me."

As soon as he left, Athena looked at Bastila.

"Were you kidding when you said that?" She looked at her. She was losing her mind.

"Does it look like I'm kidding to you?"

Carth chuckled.

"Nice."

The _Chaos_

"So, are we going to kick Karath's ass?"

Sarge snickered.

"It's now time to get completely involved and kick some major ass!"

The weapons systems were now online and the shields...well, they hadn't been upgraded; there wasn't a need with the new blaster cannons.

Sarge had an evil grin under that helmet.

"Set course for Korriban!"

With Saul Karath

The sounds of blaster fire and screaming made Saul sigh.

How they escaped wasn't the problem.

If they got out, then he was pretty much screwed.

"Admiral!"

Then the _Chaos_ arrived, with upgraded weapons.

"Oh, shit."

Blaster fire hit the bridge, knocking out a number of systems and killing most of the crew.

Then Carth, Bastila and Revan entered the bridge.

"Well, for once, the Blood Gulchers saved our asses."

"Well, he's dead. Let's get the hell out of here."

Then the _Chaos_ came under fire.

"_Son of a bitch_!"

"It's Malak! We need to get the hell out of here!"

"The _Ebon Hawk's_ down in the hanger.

If those idiots can hold off that ship, we'll be fine."

"If? They're known for this!"

The _Chaos_

"Sarge!"

"Grif! Why're getting our asses kicked?"

"Because the shields haven't been modified yet! If they were, we'd be kicking Malak's ass!"

"Screw this! Get us out of here!"

The Leviathan

They didn't get far when they ran into Darth Malak, who boarded less then 1 minute before.

"Darth Malak."

Malak chuckled.

"Bastila. You gave me quite the headache. And those Blood Gulchers gave me an even bigger one."

He looked at Athena.

"And I know you all too well..._Master_."

"Wait, what?"

"Didn't tell her, did we? You are my Sith Master, Darth Revan."

Athena's eye twitched.

Finally, she caved.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

The Chaos

"I've just felt a disturbance in the Force."

"You ain't the only one who felt it, Simmons."

The Leviathan

"How the hell am I Darth Revan? I mean seriously!"

"The Jedi Council destroyed your mind. So-"

Then they heard a tune.

"What the hell is that music?"

Then a Mongoose ran Malak over.

"That's what I call riding shotgun!"

Bastila groaned.

"You're going to drive me insane!"

Malak was dizzy.

'What hit me?'

Then he saw Sarge.

Malak Force Pushed Sarge into a wall, and got away.

"Damn it, I'm not letting him get away!"

Bastila knocked Athena out, and handed her over to Carth.

"Get her out of here! I'll take care of Malak."

Sarge grabbed Carth and dragged him and his unconscious cargo to the Mongoose.

"We can't just-"

"Shut up!" Grif, where's that Pelican?"

"_Inbound, Sarge, but I've got to deal with those Sith fighters_!"

"Simmons, get that Longsword you built and blow those fighters to bits!"

"_Working on it!_"

"Sarge, what the hell are you doing?"

One hour later

Sarge listened to the stupidity being spewed on board the _Ebon Hawk_.

He had half a mind to shoot everyone on that ship with the very deadly weapon he had in his hands.

Grif was patching up the holes in his armor when he heard screaming and gunshots.

"Sarge sounds like he's solving the problem."

An explosion was heard.

"Violently."

It's been a while.

And now Bastila is in the hands of Malak, Sarge is trying to kill the crew of the Ebon Hawk, and everything's going to hell!

Next Time: "So, this thing's a huge ass factory?" "One that's very strong in the dark side."

Ja Ne!


	8. Chapter 7: Weirdass planet

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

Chapter 7: Weird-ass planet

"So, Revan-"

"Athena will do."

"Still, you're an ex-Sith Lord!"

Sarge was testing Athena's sanity.

"Sarge, shouldn't that tell you to go away?"

"Whatever."

Sarge walked into the next room.

Simmons was putting the Star Map together.

"Even with the map on the Wookie planet, putting this thing together is a bitch."

"Are you sure you can put it together, Simmons?" "I said it was a bitch sir, not impossible."

"Then get it done, Simmons!"

"Got it, Sarge."

Grif was sitting in a chair, asleep.

"I've got it!"

"A way back home?"

"No, I put the Star Map back together."

Grif fell back asleep.

"So, it's near the center of the galaxy? Aren't the core worlds there?"

"They don't know everything. Next stop: the Star Forge!"

Lehon

"You must've been driven insane."

Bastila was twitching like crazy.

Malak actually felt sorry for her. (AN: She spent a lot of time with the crazies. Wouldn't you?)

"The Blood Gulchers are coming. They'll be here soon."

Bastila threw Malak into a wall.

"That hurt."

In orbit of Lehon

"The _Hawk's_ away."

"What's the status of those NOVA mines?"

"Ready to blow up the Star Forge."

Sarge chuckled.

"Then get ready to head there as soon as-"

One of Simmons' panels flashed a warning.

"What the hell's that?"

"The _Hawk's_ going down! There's some kind of EM field around the planet, but we aren't being affected."

"Maybe we're so badass it can't touch us."

"I'd say it involved the Blues, but since they're on board, I doubt that's the case, Grif. Still, get our fighters ready."

"We've only got two Longswords!"

"Two Longswords and a Pelican."

"And the Pelican's a transport!"

Then Church's helmet started beeping.

"Hey, I've got a UNSC transponder signal. It's the 8th semi-mechanized infantry battalion."

"Didn't they fight on Zambai 7?"

"Got abandoned at the end of the Earth-Covenant War. Served with them on Sidewinder."

Grif looked at Sarge.

"I didn't know you served on Sidewinder, Sarge. Must've been cold as fuck."

"Colder. Still, they need our help."

"Sarge, they got that spec ops chick. What was her name, Spriggs?"

"That's her. Hit on her once. Got my arm broken five times for it."

On the surface

"SPRRRRIIIIIGGGGSSSS!"

Gunfire and curses were heard throughout the area.

Jolee chuckled.

"That's new."

Then a Mongoose ATV landed near the group.

On it was a MJOLNAR VI wearing solider.

The armor was modified for a normal person to wear, as the normal kind would kill a man just by getting poked. (AN: I can give everyone MOLJNAR armor, but I can't make them all Spartans)

Then another, a man by the sound of his pissed off voice, carrying an AIE-486H Heavy Machine gun, ran up the hill.

"SPRIGGS!"

He opened fire, but the bullets hit everything else, almost including the crew of the _Ebon Hawk_.

"He seems to be very pissed off!"

"No shit, Sherlock! Run!"

On board the Chaos

"Are we actually sure that's the 8th SMIB down there? This could be a trap."

"Tex, the 8th semi-mechanized infantry battalion is Zambai's equivalent to the Blood Gulchers."

"Hammer was promoted to Captain, right?"

"Demoted to Lieutenant. Still, he'll bow to battlefield experience."

"What experience? All we've done is fight each other and Command!"

"And the Meta, Washington, the Sith-"

"The Sith don't count! They're all cannon fodder!"

"And so are we, remember, Church?"

"I have a question."

"WHAT, CABOOSE?"

"What's cannon fodder?"

"Something you throw in front of a cannon just to keep your elite troops alive."

"Oh, like us?"

Church attacked Caboose with fury that only a man in another universe could match. (In the _THAB_ universe, Ronald Pinkerton sneezes)

"Grif, get in the pilot's seat."

"Why me?"

"You used to be a Pelican pilot!"

"A _civilian_ Pelican pilot!"

"Pelican pilots are universal!"

"Yeah, but this ain't my Pelican!"

Sarge put the shotgun in Grif's face.

"Get in the seat."

"Fine."

Grif got into the cockpit.

On the surface

Spriggs chuckled to herself.

She loved teasing Willy.

"Now, what's he going to do?"

A Pelican crash-landed nearby.

"That was nice flying...dirtbag."

"That wasn't flying! That was crashing and burning!"

"Touché."

"That you, Sarge?"

The Red popped his head up.

"Specialist Spriggs! Nice to see you here. Speaking of which, how'd you get here?"

"Willy blew up a nuke."

"That explains everything."

"It was a NOVA mine."

"That really explains everything. I thought you were sleeping with him?"

"Got amnesia, thought I tried to kill him."

Grif activated the engines of the Pelican.

"Still got it."

"Hope you got an Albatross. We've got a number of Warthogs and a pair of tanks."

Caboose ran off, yelling 'SHELLA!'

"What the hell are the chances of that damned AI being here?"

"Zero."

Then The Pelican took off.

"Where the hell are you going?"

"Getting those Albatrosses you built, Sarge!"

Inside the Ratakan Temple

Bastila and Athena dueled for a quick moment until the former realized that the Blood Gulchers were near.

"This isn't over!"

Bastila ran off, getting shot at by a Pelican.

"HA! Sucks to be you!"

"Grif?"

"_That's me, best Pelican pilot around_."

Then it landed.

"Get on board. I'm also picking up a tank squad."

Grif sounded melancholy.

Then again, he was the only Pelican pilot around.

8th semi-mechanized infantry battalion

"Triple M, where the hell are we?"

"Do I need to answer that question, Hammer? I think I could have Sarge over you."

"Right. And Sarge is an idiot."

"Idiot or not, at least he got-"

Then a Pelican landed nearby.

"My God. Is that-"

"A Pelican! Who the hell's flying it?"

"_Hey, morons of the 8__th__ semi-mechanized infantry battalion! Get your asses on board, now_!"

"Grif?"

"_Hey, you want to be left here? On the Pelican,_ NOW!"

"What about the tanks?"

"_I'll pick them up once you're on board the_ Chaos; _GET ON_!"

The Star Forge: 51 minutes later

The Ebon Hawk and two assault Pelicans entered the huge 30000 year old facility. Then Grif saw a ship being launched.

"So, this thing's a huge ass factory?"

"One that's very strong in the dark side."

All three ships landed in a side hanger, and the Blood Gulcher's Warthog dropped to the floor.

"You know the drill! Find Malak, kill him!"

"And the 8th's going to place NOVA mines all over the place to blow it to hell. Got it, Sarge."

"Why the hell am I following your orders? I'm a lieutenant!"

"And does that matter? We're MIA; you're not, meaning we get a two rank promotion. Me and Sarge were Sergeant Majors of the Army, so that makes us Lieutenants. 1st Class. You're only an LT 2nd class."

Hammer grabbed a NOVA mine.

"Damn, these things weigh a ton!"

"Get moving!"

SRRIIGGGGGGSSSSS!

I watched it a few days ago. I'm putting it in with RvB.

And this is a special treat: A double update. AOHAH's almost finished, and so is this. One more chapter of this and AOHAH and we're done!

Then I can make the sequel: Reds and Blues of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords.

Next Time: "How the fuck can I be everything and nothing at the same time? That's physically impossible!" Malak sighed. "Jimmy said the same thing."

Ja Ne!


	9. Chapter 8: Why were we here?

Red and Blues of the Old Republic

Chapter 8: Why were we here?

Sarge was enjoying himself.

Shotgun shells and 7.62mm casings fell to the floor.

"Headshot!"

"Nut-shot!"

Sarge smirked.

Grif had a nasty aim when it came to the BR55SR.

Then one of the Sith soldiers died from a nut-shot from Church's .50 SRS99D.

Atrium

Malak and Revan had lost their lightsabers to a crazy, yellow armored man (Willy) and were beating the crap out of each other.

"Savior. Conqueror. Hero. Villain. You are all things Revan, and yet, you are nothing."

"How the fuck can I be everything and nothing at the same time? That's physically impossible!"

Malak sighed.

"Jimmy said the same thing."

"Hey, Malak!"

Revan was Force Pushed out of the room.

"Remember me?"

Ron activated his red bladed lightsaber.

"So, you want to end this?"

"I swallowed a transmitter. It's connected to the NOVA mines placed throughout the Star Forge. It's also connected to my heart. If it stops, we all die. Then again, I'm not leaving and neither are you!"

Malak pulled a lightsaber from Ron's belt and activated it.

"Then you die first!"

Back with the Blood Gulchers

"Back to the Pelicans!"

Sarge fired one more rocket into the facility before getting back in the Blood Gulchers' Pelican.

"The 8th's back in their Pelican! Marines, we are leaving!"

The two Pelicans and the _Ebon Hawk_ left the Star Forge.

"Blow the nukes!"

"Detonator's broken!"

"Shit!"

Back on board the Star Forge

Ron chuckled.

"What's so funny, Jedi?"

"This."

Ron impaled himself.

"Fuck you."

Then the NOVAs started going off, and Malak screamed in fury.

He was beyond pissed.

On board the _Chaos_

"The _Hawk's_ away and clear! We, on the other hand, are fucked!"

"We're too close! Tex, boost the power to the engines! Grif!"

"I'm doing my best here! This thing ain't a Pelican or a Longsword!"

Sarge got to a power status panel.

"We're not going to make it!"

The Star Forge exploded in fire and fury.

The explosion created a micro black hole with enough force to pull the _Chaos_ back.

The lighter _Ebon Hawk_ escaped.

"To quote Data from _Star Trek Generations_: OOOOHHH, SSHHIITT!"

The entire system was going nova.

"_All Republic vessels, GET THE FUCK OUT_!"

One _Hammerhead_-Class ship was caught in the blast front.

"_WHAT THE FUCK_?"

It exploded in seconds.

The rest of the Republic fleet escaped.

"_Where are the Blood Gulchers_?"

"They were on board the Chaos. _It was pulled into the star_."

"_Their sacrifice wasn't in vain_."

"_They only_ disappeared, _Admiral. They will return some day soon_."

Unknown location

"Where the hell are we?"

"Same place we were in when we were blasted into the future."

"I think that's actually temporal status."

Everyone looked at Grif.

"What? I studied temporal mechanics."

"So, we were never sent into the future?"

"Just put in status?"

Grif nodded.

"Grif's got a point."

"Now what?"

"We wait."

And that's Reds and Blues of the Old Republic!

I've got an RvB/BSG2003 crossover up next after I finish AOHAH, but I can wait until the end of this season of RvB. Speaking of which, Chapter 19's fight scene: epic. It can only get better!

Ja Ne!


End file.
